Delusional Realism

By Branden Stepp

Delusional Realism

By Branden Stepp

LemonGoneSour sits at his computer listening to his podcast co-hosts discussing all forms of eastern philosophy and religion. Everyones cameras were off, little green boxes flashed to corresponding voices. As usual the discussion turned to a subtle contest of obscure knowledge and word salad.

Lemon has been silent for nearly two minutes when Spliff Conspiracy noticed his silence.

“Lemon, what’s your take?”

“Well, I was wondering if we’d be having this conversation if it wasn’t monetized.”

LibertyMinded and Penis Gauze chuckled.

Spliff said, “So you want this to be on the regular feed and not the Patreon?”

“No, sorry I drifted off. What were we talking about?”

Spliff assumed a begrudging tone and spoke slowly as if Lemon was stupid,

“The ontology of Zen Buddhism and its application for the post Covidian culture.”

Lemon caught the condescending tone and responded,

“Hmm let’s see… Point people to good books and stop talking so much. Get offline. Get a job you hate and learn to love it. Pay attention to other people and how they function without judgement. Consume less, sorry, I mean no, schizo topics like conspiracies and metaphysics. Breathe some fresh air and tell no-one else you did it. Actually, don’t think about your breathing. Stop living in your persona, especially online. Unsubscribe to all Patreons and only read - “

Lemon was kicked from the session.

For a second he was stunned, then shut his laptop. He turned and looked out the window and breathed a sigh of relief. A blue jay swooped from the sky, landed on a patio chair and manically looked around before darting off. Lemon grinned, laced his hands behind his head and kicked his feet up on the desk and watched the birds.