One time I had a joke that turned out to be worth a million dollars. I was working as a soda jerk at a diner. The guy who worked the sandwich line had a bad mustache and long blond hair that he kept in a pony tail. I’ll call him Bobby.
One day I was making a custom Sundae for a high school couple on a date. They ordered hot fudge and gummy worms on their sundae. I turned to to Bobby and said,
“This kid’s got gummy worms on his sundae I think he’s trying to give her some gummy sperms.”
Bobby didn’t get what I was saying and my joke fell flat. I cursed myself and served the ice cream to the table.
Next week Bobby hands me a paper and asks me to sign it.
“What‘s this?” I asked
“Trust me you’ll want to sign it, I’m working on surprise. I’ll tell you about soon.”
Skimming the pages first paragraph I lost interest and signed at the bottom. 21 and dumb as rocks.
“NDA? No big deal.” I said. Bobby smiled, but I don’t think he was smiling with me.
Not long after that Bobby stopped showing up to the soda fountain and I had to start making the reubens. One day Jenny the waitress showed me a photo of Bobby on a beach in Costa Rica.
“Bobby moved to Costa Rica!”
She showed me the photo of Bobby, who’d gained a few pounds and shaved his mustache. He was holding a coconut with a straw in one hand and a local girl in the other.
“He sold some kind of candy to Spencer’s and made a bunch of money. He’s opening a bowling alley with the money he earned.”
He earned? I turned away and gave Jenny a cold shoulder for the rest of the shift that she didn’t deserve.
I couldn’t believe it. He’d double crossed me and took my dumb joke and made a bunch of money (I found out later it was only $50k) after work I took the bus to the mall to see it for myself - I marched across the food court in my greasy pants and shirt to the Spencer’s. The smell of incense and artificial fog only made me more angry. A deep cut Limp Bizcuit interlude was playing - here in the freezing a.c., next to the neon dildos and candy penis - Gummy Sperms. White cherry flavored gummies shaped like sperm cells.
I ordered a #1 from Chic-Fil-A in the food court and ate it while I waited for the bus to take me home.
I made a vow to my smudged reflection on the bus window.
One day I’ll travel to Costa Rica and put a bullet in that fuckers chest and declare myself the boss of Starfish Lanes.